It’s been eight months since Disneyland closed its gates due to the COVID-19 pandemic. We had just gotten passes after some time away from the parks in late-January. We had vowed that 2020 was going to be our “Disney year to remember.” We had so many big plans – Dapper Days, a video series, eating lots of great food, and spending a ton of time together before my sons, ages 15, 13, and 10, think they are too old to have fun with me.

My family and I have been abundantly cautious during the pandemic. Living in Burbank (part of Los Angeles County) where COVID cases numbers have been high, we have spent much of the last eight months at home. Not rolling the dice and keeping my children, my husband, and I safe has been our family’s top priority. This choice is something we have made peace with and feel is necessary. Staying home hasn’t been easy. Like many of you reading this, we have found ourselves on a daily roller coaster of emotions – thankful for our health, lonely, sick of one another, happy for one another, anxious, angry, sad, nostalgic, hopeful. The twists and turns have gone on and on and it has not been easy

In my sad moments, my mind often wanders to memories of my family’s Disneyland trips. To say we have had incredible experiences would be an understatement. This blog has afforded us unparalleled access to the resort and adventures that live in my heart and mind with fondness I could never accurately express with words. Those big moments aren’t the things that stay with me and bring me comfort while I lay in bed binge-watching Gilmore Girls for the 100th time or when I feel deflated after a day of teaching my students via Zoom. It’s those small moments that flood back like a fast-moving slide show in my mind. I think about the delight of trying the carrot cake churro for the first time while sitting on the steps by the Rivers of America. My mind flashes back to a chance meeting with the Queen of Hearts on Main Street. I think about wearing my babies in the Baby Bjorn riding the dark rides in Fantasyland and the comfort that comes from the feeling of holding them so close to me even on the hottest of days. I smile when I think about the feedings and diaper changes at the Baby Care Center. I tear up as I think about the wonder in my children’s eyes when we would see the Christmas Fantasy Parade for the first time each year or the delight in a simple trip aboard King Arthur’s Carrousel. It’s the small moments that fill my heart with joy and happiness when so many other emotions are battling it out in my mind.

Sometimes, when I’m thinking about Disneyland and all of the beautiful memories we’ve created together, I wonder if it is thinking of me too.

I wonder if the flowers in Tour Guide Garden miss me gazing and smiling upon them when I enter Disneyland. I wonder if The Hungry Bear Restaurant misses my boys playing on the bottom-floor deck, feeding the ducks. I wonder if the Candy Palace misses me waving at my old friend Chris the candy maker. I wonder if the Mickey Floral Portrait misses seeing the tears in my eyes every single time I walk through the gates.

This thing that Disneyland and I have runs deep. It is part of who I am. It is part of my soul. It is where I go when I feel stressed or when the world is just too much to deal with. I worked as a tour guide and then writer for Disneyland in my younger years. Disneyland and the relationships I made while working there mentored me and made me into the person I am today. As a mom, Disneyland was the place where I introduced my children to the magic of imagination. It was a pivotal place for my parenting and those solo visits with three young boys under 6 showed me that I am one strong mama.  

I would give anything for 10 minutes of Main Street with my boys. For now, even with the opening for Buena Vista Street on November 19, the right thing for our family is to stay safe… at home… in good old Burbank. My heart breaks for all of the Cast Members, some of which dear friends of mine, who are out of work, or worse yet, have completely lost their jobs during the pandemic. It is with great hope that soon, the state of California will be able to get our act together and lower our COVID numbers so that we can go back to our normal lives full of joy and happiness.

Until then, I will think of you often Disneyland… and wonder if you are thinking about me, too.